He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
