She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
