i think my mom watched the whole time
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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