I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
