Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
