I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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