I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
