check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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