Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
