In the future we'll all be gay
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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