PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
