some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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