I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
