I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
