Who did Billy Mays play for?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
