the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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