He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
