This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
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