I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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