My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
