Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Randomize
