Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
