just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I just gift wrapped bread.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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