Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
