I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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