I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
