Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize
