I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
