Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
