ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
