why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
