Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
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