im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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