Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
