i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize