I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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