Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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