I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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