he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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