Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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