My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
