Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize