i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
