we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
