Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
