all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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