she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
