No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
