onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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