We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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