I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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