I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
