so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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