I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
