Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
