I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
you win again, gameday.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
