somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
