Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize