Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
