There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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