Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Boobs are out for the taking
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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