were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize