im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
