No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
