I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
