im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
