Soap is not a condiment
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
