I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
