I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Randomize
