We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
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I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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