Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
