and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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