We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
You're a waste of cheezeits
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
