tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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