This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
